I always raise an eyebrow with what I have previously wrote. I write something one day, and on the other when I read it I feel that who wrote it wasn’t me. I feel strange of my capability of producing such words and phrases. Do I get possessed when I write? Is someone else wears my fingers. When I sit down to write thoughts just float free and it only happens when I start drawing the first word on my screen or paper.
So I asked my friend and mentor who has a long experience with writing, if she feels the same, she becomes a different person when she reads what she already wrote. She said that it feels almost, in a good way, as though someone else’s clever, eloquent, intelligent words are being channeled through us, this skill might be inherited from a relative we never met, it is innate and natural. My lovely hobby said it is the moment of creativity, I suppose he means when a muse whispers in your ear.
However, I might imagine it as a gap breaks in time and space, and the writer fells in it during the time of writing. The writer wakes up when she/he regains awareness of the present.
Yesterday I read an article written by Wifaq Al Qadmiri, I am translating some of what she wrote in the following paragraph, she talked about what does it mean to write, and the article does express some of what I feel when I write. I do think that there is something still missing and I am not ready to discover what it is. But writing might just relieve me from the pain of existence.
“Writing is a destiny. It might start so small like a tiny morsel of bread, then grows to become a lifeline from the clumsiness living in this ugly existence. To write beautifully is to be someone running from madness or some kind of death. All the wonderful ones are like this, creatures that tickled threads of madness and death several times, creatures were clumsy and accustomed, but in one moment they tear up existence, and they vow that what they have left to write on their missing parts. Writing is healing. to write is to register your attendance in this world. ‘Say your word before you die’ said Mohammed Shukry with a burning revelation. To write, not to be a star writer, not to be a broker for chatter and hearsay. To write is to wash yourself from all the insignificance and dullness that adds to you with each passing of a moment in the world. To write is to answer yourself for questions you are ashamed of whisper them within. To write is to add to your tiny probability another inch of fulfillment.”