It is hard to feel stuck in a certain situation, psychologically. I can’t save myself because I am not able to escape. A mountain of despair is placed on my lungs and is about to block my breath. Sartre said once that there is not exit. He must felt stuck just like me.
Life is an eternal act of resistance. For a long time I felt so tired and aimless, so I decided to wait for someone or something to save me. I waited for a thousand year before I realize that I need to resist if I want my energy of resistance to attract a revolutionary spirit. And I started to struggle again for another thousand year.
Eventually, I attracted the revolutionary that always lived deep inside of me. It appeared that salvation was me.
Sometimes it is annoying to be exceptionally strange, different and sensitive. Someone hard to be fathomed. I sense when others don’t feel comfortable in my company because my presence is different from what they already knew. I feel me intense and calm, and nothing could hold my flying vibrations all around the place but another equal force that can teach me how to channel them.
I was lucky to find several forces who guided me all the way.
I am in most agony when I lose track of inspiration, when no word appears in my head.
One of the things I loath is working very hard, putting all of my faith and all of what I have learned to make something happen. After failing so many times, I achieve success, but the success is so bitter. It does not taste sweet, it tastes like ash, nothing. and I am too tired to celebrate what I chased relentlessly for years!
And yet, I still chase what I seek hoping that one day might bring me sweet success.
I don’t know if I wrote the following idea previously or not: The meaning of life is you.