Today morning, as I got out from home to work, I couldn’t recall if I closed the door of my house or not! I couldn’t regain the image of me doing that. What was worse is that I started wondering if I took the elevator or the stairs. I just found myself in the street waiting for a taxi. The clatter in my head is blurring my vision, paralyzing my focus and stealing precious moments in my day. I despise this interrupted state of me. Recently I am suffering from losing patches of time in my days. Suffering from losing track of the world, of me. My inner cosmos are hitting the walls of my skin impatiently, they want out. It hurts.
I am a creature of serenity. I do pay attention all the way. I am sensitive to my surroundings and to other beings that I love dearly. I watch the world with admiration from the windows of my soul. Living in a rapidly speeding and merciless world is sabotaging my memory and stripping me from an impulse and a motive for being just me. My fear is to loose my inner light, to be extinguished by chores, work, duties, responsibilities, competition, securing a mean of living and pretending to be someone else to remain away from social condemnation. I don’t want to let go of who I really am and where I came from, it is not in my nature.
I need some celestial music. This monotonous white noise in my head is deafening.