For few days now, I couldn’t stop listening to the song I am posting here at the end of this post that is so beautiful and so cruel. It is a torture as it exhumed memories buried so deep in the dark abyss of my mind that will never see the light of my electric signals moving through my brain cells. There is something about music that can lift up the cover over ugly wounds, then leaves you in shock and pain. Music think that it can heal, but for me this is not true, it only can expose me to a vulnerable shaky state. I was depressed and anxious in the middle of the night. And night can conspire with music to free the bestial memories that were long defeated and forced to retreat. Material borders disappear in the dark, maybe this is why we fear the dark, no obvious or tangible boundries. The loss of limits released images kept me speechless.
So as a defense mechanism, my tears fell generously to wash my tainted mind and refresh my presence in current reality, to bring me back. I was terrified and to escape from me, I slept while begging my memory to regain its forgetful state. But my mind ran wild in my dreams. It was a wrecked morning.
Then I started listening to the song again. My mind insisted.