My fingers are bent backward


For a while now, I was pondering on my inability to write about Syria. The reasons and results for this are equally making me ashamed, angry and void. But it seems it is not just me going through this phase of dispiritedness, it seems that this is a collective state among many activists in Syrian civil society who engaged in the Syrian uprising from the beginning, then they found themselves in the wilderness of apathy, waiting for a Godot to appear.

Recently I was reading an article written by Syrian activist Marcel Shahwaro, she said that one editor in Global Voices asked her why isn’t she writing? She said that after all what happened in Syria she feels that she lost her fingers. Something similar in my case, I didn’t lost mine, but my fingers were bent backward. There is a collective sense of despair among us. We learned that everything we were told before was a group of lies, what we were told about our nature, and the nature of this world. Thousands of crimes committed in Syria and criminals got immunity by an international system which always bombarded us with its “civilized ethics” and “The Right of Self-determination.” No matter what we do to clarify the situation in Syria, we are still getting “It is too complex to be solved,” and by this statements thousands are left to the mercy of different kinds of fates, all are unbearable.

I just heard that UN wants to discuss who used Chemical Weapons in Syria, just now, they claim they don’t know yet. Douma massacre took place several weeks ago while a UN official was in Damascus discussing with the tyrant ways of increasing aid to one party in this war, where did neutral stands go? It makes me angry when I know that UNESCO can see how ISIS destroyed historical sites, but strangely all satellites are blind when it comes to areas hit by surface-to-surface missiles, or buildings were living humans inhabited were destroyed by TNT barrels. One thing is for sure, ISIS and other terrorist groups can only be faced by genuine empowerment of the people in Middle East, not International Coalition that includes most advanced powerful states in the world, but are not succeeding in getting rid of several thousands of primitive and backward terrorists.

The despair we are going to was shaken a bit by the compassion of many people moved for the refugees crisis. The people are more human than governments. Still I am not impressed, not after I saw one of my friends’ pictures among the 55000 images of tortured innocents in Syrian regime’s prisons, not after I saw my uncle’s images online after a sniper shot him when he was returning home from the bakery, not after the Chemical Massacre in Ghouta, not when I know that thousands are still killed in most brutal ways, and not after seeing criminal extremists destroying what we started.

Not a single issue in Syria was solved, not the issue of besieged areas, not the issue of “lost generation,” not arial strikes against civilians, not rape, not refugees crisis, not prisoners and the forced disappearances and certainly not ISIS, on the contrary, all what we hear by world leaders is that the Syrian tragedy will last for years, as if there is a decision that we should just go into eternal oblivion.

I am striving to write, but my fingers are mutilated by apathy, and it hurts.

About Hummingbird

Feels strange when I talk about myself. It is just me.
This entry was posted in Human Rights, Syria and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to My fingers are bent backward

  1. Kim Ayers says:

    This is the pain that stings my heart the most, that too many are apathetic to what is happening in Syria and beyond. Governments playing with human lives, “negotiating, planning, researching….” while men, women and children are tortured daily. ISIS is fed by this apathy, and is nurtured by inaction. The individual citizens of powerful countries are not apathetic, but are powerless…..or so it seems.

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